My best friend's daughter today won the
Gymnastics State Championship in New Jersey, USA. She was so incredibly
happy and proud of her daughter and by extension so was I. I bragged to all my friends that my best
friend’s daughter was the champion... Simply because I knew her journey to this
place. It has taken incredible commitment on the part of her and her husband.
Committing to this sport is not just a lot of dollars( A lot!!), but a hell a lot of
commitment in terms of one's personal time and effort. It is literally blood,
sweat and tears. To hold a full time job, come home from work and
chauffeur your child three times a week to the gym for a 3 hour practice
session....try to get your grocery shopping done in that time, run a few errands -Return at 9pm, feed your kid, check for homework emergencies of the other kid! ,
read to the child at night (can’t skip on the mental development can we ??) and
then collapse onto your bed…. Only to rise at 5:30 am and begin the drill all
over again. I am very proud of my friend, Tiger mom A.
But Tiger moms are getting a bad rap these days. Some may call me one too. There are many versions of tiger parenting. And of course there are always extremes in every situation. “Over scheduling” “Robbing their childhood” “Pressurising” are some of the words tiger parents have to hear . It is very easy for the … let’s call them “
Chilled out” moms to put themselves on a pedestal and berate the tiger moms. The amount of thought and effort that tiger moms put into
their children’s lives is huge. They set
aside their comforts- driving in the traffic, in the snow.. Waking up super
early to chauffeur the kids to practice…
making the child practice when they are not particularly feeling up to
it..incentivising, bribing, threatening.... because children will be children. These moms ( and I use the term moms
loosely to mean a parent) are constantly looking at ways to give their
children the best opportunities at the cost of their own relaxation, leisure or
free time. Their lives revolve around their children . All those opportunities
that they did not have or could not afford , they want to give their children.
It takes 10,000 hours for one to become
an expert at something. Research has shown that piano virtuosos are not those
who have the talent but those who put in
the hours. To recognize that your child has the ability and to get them to that point cannot be done without the passionate commitment of a parent. Every child needs to be goaded onto that tipping point where practice meets passion and they can take off on their own wings. We have seen
enough spelling bee competitions on tv to witness the winner’s parent mouthing
the spelling along with the child or knowing , even as the word is being asked whether their child knows it or not. Only a parent
who has been there will know how incredibly frustrating and impossible it is to
get a child to do something that they are not interested in. Children… will be
children. And yet, instead of watching
their favourite TV show or going shopping, tiger moms sit with their kids as
they practice.. coz they believe that their child has the spark to excel at it.
When one is a child, the brain is fresh and
young and the body is nimble and adaptable. Roller skating, swimming, skiing –
only an adult who has tried to learn these things at a later stage in life
knows how incredibly difficult it is to learn these skills without injury as an adult . If your child has shown a musical inclination, then yes tiger moms will
want to chauffeur them to the best teacher in town- give them the best
opportunity. Since when is that a crime ?
If the parents who do nothing that is beyond their zone of comfort believe
for a second that these parents don’t hold the happiness of their children above
everything else, they are deluding themselves. But.. honestly I don’t care for
your delusions. But don’t judge me.. don’t tell me I am over scheduling my
children, don’t snort derisively when I am chauffeuring my child around when believe
me, I would also like nothing better on a Saturday morning than to kick back
with a nice novel and a hot cup of coffee on my balcony enjoying the
sunshine. I don’t care what your idea of
raising children is , but today, when my child can listen to her favourite pop
song and play it immediately on the piano and revel in her music, I know, I have
done good by her. When her self esteem gets kicked up a few notches when she is
called upon to perform on stage , I know I have done good by her. When my son
wins a trophy for sports and comes home beaming a champion, I know I have done good by
him. Everything in life takes effort.
And to each his own. If you believe in doing nothing, Do nothing. Just don't judge me.
