“I am an only child”. The minute people hear that, inside
their heads (I think) birds start singing, angels start flying, rainbows spring
up everywhere and there is a perennial Santa Claus showering me with candy. My
childhood was actually quite the opposite. Raised in a simple lower middle
class family, we scrimped and scrounged to get by. My parents were wonderful and did everything
in their capacity to give me the best that they could offer in every single way.
However, they were also extremely strict parents and had very particular ideas
on what was acceptable and unacceptable. There was very little leeway for
goofing around and if I did, there was hell to pay... in the form of a spanking.
Having experienced that, when I became a parent, while there were many things I
was unsure and confused about, the one thing I was clear about was that, I
would not spank my child. And these are
my reasons.
Humiliating:
While as a parent, many of us believe that children do not feel certain things
at a young age, like humiliation, I distinctly remember feeling humiliated at
being spanked. More than the physical pain of being spanked, the idea of being
so helpless and at the mercy of another person was humiliating and hurts you on
the inside. I did not want any child of mine to feel that agony of
helplessness.
Hitting for their own
good: Many parents earnestly believe in this justification. That is the
only reason they are able to do it . They believe that capital punishment
shakes the child into “realizing” their mistake . It is far from the truth. One
hits a child, because of one’s own inability to control one’s anger. At that
instant, thinking about what is good for the child is almost last on your mind.
It is the vent of your fury which is usually the cause of beatings. If you were
calm as a parent, you would assess the situation and figure out WHY the transgression happened in the first
place and what you can do to prevent it from happening again.
Yields no long
lasting result : When a parent hits a child, the only effect is that the
child would think -“ How can I do this in a way as to not get caught again and
get a beating” . If that is the lesson that you were going for, then yes
hitting is a good parenting tool . However, if you want your child to think
about what they did and guide them towards not repeating it, you need to pick a
better option than brute force. God knows the number of times I have hatched evil plans to circumvent all of
my father’s rules.
They are too young
: I have seen parents hitting a 2 year
old. Yes, the terrible twos are indeed terrible. A child just outgrowing its
infancy and entering the phase of toddlerhood and figuring out that even they have a power over adults by doing
certain actions. Using your physical force on that tender being is absolutely
the most absurd parenting technique. To justify such an act saying they will
not understand anything else displays your lack of parenting skills and your inability
to control yourself.
Erases the Good :
Many parents console themselves by saying, “I may have hit my child, but I am
sure he/she understands my intentions are good “. That is not how a child feels. Spanking your
child erases a lot of the good that you might be doing for your child. Their
judgment will be clouded by your physical abuse and they will acquire a
rebellious attitude. They also feel resentful, helpless and this leads to a
loss of self esteem in the child which is the ultimate gift a parent can give
a child- Self esteem built through
unconditional love.
A child’s future success in the real world will not be about
the stars they got on their report card,
the number of trophies they accumulated or the National Rank that they
procured. It is the result of the choices that they make later on in life for
happiness. Those decision will be based on their self esteem. I believe that
for a healthy personal esteem building, spanking is definitely not the way to
go.
