Flavoured yogurt made at home

Guys, I am so kicked i made this at home. This is a hot favourite snack with my kids and I used to buy it by the case in the US. I am thrilled this can be made so easily at home !

1. Take Half a glass of  warm milk ( 30 mins after boiling roughly) . 
2. Stir in some Jam. I used Kissan mixed fruit jam.
3. Set curd as usual.
4. DONE!

Tip : You can add milk powder to thicken the milk for a heavier set.

Why I believe spanking my kids is wrong

“I am an only child”. The minute people hear that, inside their heads (I think) birds start singing, angels start flying, rainbows spring up everywhere and there is a perennial Santa Claus showering me with candy. My childhood was actually quite the opposite. Raised in a simple lower middle class family, we scrimped and scrounged to get by.  My parents were wonderful and did everything in their capacity to give me the best that they could offer in every single way. However, they were also extremely strict parents and had very particular ideas on what was acceptable and unacceptable. There was very little leeway for goofing around and if I did, there was hell to pay... in the form of a spanking. Having experienced that, when I became a parent, while there were many things I was unsure and confused about, the one thing I was clear about was that, I would not spank my child.  And these are my reasons.

Humiliating: While as a parent, many of us believe that children do not feel certain things at a young age, like humiliation, I distinctly remember feeling humiliated at being spanked. More than the physical pain of being spanked, the idea of being so helpless and at the mercy of another person was humiliating and hurts you on the inside. I did not want any child of mine to feel that agony of helplessness.

Hitting for their own good: Many parents earnestly believe in this justification. That is the only reason they are able to do it . They believe that capital punishment shakes the child into “realizing” their mistake . It is far from the truth. One hits a child, because of one’s own inability to control one’s anger. At that instant, thinking about what is good for the child is almost last on your mind. It is the vent of your fury which is usually the cause of beatings. If you were calm as a parent, you would assess the situation and figure out  WHY the transgression happened in the first place and what you can do to prevent it from happening again.

Yields no long lasting result : When a parent hits a child, the only effect is that the child would think -“ How can I do this in a way as to not get caught again and get a beating” . If that is the lesson that you were going for, then yes hitting is a good parenting tool . However, if you want your child to think about what they did and guide them towards not repeating it, you need to pick a better option than brute force. God knows the number of times I  have hatched evil plans to circumvent all of my father’s rules.

They are too young :  I have seen parents hitting a 2 year old. Yes, the terrible twos are indeed terrible. A child just outgrowing its infancy and entering the phase of toddlerhood and figuring out that even they have a power over adults by doing certain actions. Using your physical force on that tender being is absolutely the most absurd parenting technique. To justify such an act saying they will not understand anything else displays your lack of parenting skills and your inability to control yourself.

Erases the Good : Many parents console themselves by saying, “I may have hit my child, but I am sure he/she understands my intentions are good “.  That is not how a child feels. Spanking your child erases a lot of the good that you might be doing for your child. Their judgment will be clouded by your physical abuse and they will acquire a rebellious attitude. They also feel resentful, helpless and this leads to a loss of self esteem in the child which is the ultimate gift a parent can give a  child- Self esteem built through unconditional love.

 A child’s future  success in the real world will not be about the stars they got on  their report card, the number of trophies they accumulated or the National Rank that they procured. It is the result of the choices that they make later on in life for happiness. Those decision will be based on their self esteem. I believe that for a healthy personal esteem building, spanking is definitely not the way to go. 

A case for Tiger moms

My best friend's daughter today won the Gymnastics State Championship in New Jersey, USA.  She was so incredibly happy and proud of her daughter and by extension so was I.  I bragged to all my friends that my best friend’s daughter was the champion... Simply because I knew her journey to this place. It has taken incredible commitment on the part of her and her husband. Committing to this sport is not just a lot of dollars( A lot!!), but a hell a lot of commitment in terms of one's personal time and effort. It is literally blood, sweat and tears.  To hold a full time job, come home from work and chauffeur your child three times a week to the gym for a 3 hour practice session....try to get your grocery shopping done in that time, run a few errands -Return at 9pm, feed your kid, check for homework emergencies of the other kid! , read to the child at night (can’t skip on the mental development can we ??) and then collapse onto  your bed…. Only to rise at 5:30 am and begin the drill all over again. I am very proud of my friend, Tiger mom A. 

But Tiger moms are getting a bad rap these days. Some may call me one too. There are many versions of tiger parenting. And of course there are always extremes in every situation. “Over scheduling” “Robbing their childhood” “Pressurising” are some of the  words tiger parents have to hear . It is very easy for the … let’s call them “ Chilled out” moms to put themselves on a pedestal and berate the tiger moms.  The amount  of thought and effort that tiger moms put into their children’s lives is  huge. They set aside their comforts- driving in the traffic, in the snow.. Waking up super early to chauffeur  the kids to practice… making  the child practice when they are not particularly feeling up to it..incentivising, bribing, threatening.... because children will be children. These moms ( and I use the term moms loosely  to mean a parent)  are constantly looking at ways to give their children the best opportunities at the cost of their own relaxation, leisure or free time. Their lives revolve around their children . All those opportunities that they did not have or could not afford , they want to give their children. It takes 10,000  hours for one to become an expert at something. Research has shown that piano virtuosos are not those who have the  talent but those who put in the hours. To recognize that your child has the ability and to get them to that point cannot be done without the passionate commitment of a parent. Every child needs to be goaded onto that tipping point where practice meets passion and they can take off on their own wings. We have seen enough spelling bee competitions on tv to witness the winner’s parent mouthing the spelling along with the child or knowing , even as the word is being asked whether their child knows it or not. Only a parent who has been there will know how incredibly frustrating and impossible it is to get a child to do something that they are not interested in. Children… will be children. And yet, instead of  watching their favourite TV show or going shopping, tiger moms sit with their kids as they practice.. coz they believe that their child has the spark to excel at it.   

When one is a child, the brain is fresh and young and the body is nimble and adaptable. Roller skating, swimming, skiing – only an adult who has tried to learn these things at a later stage in life knows how incredibly difficult it is to learn these skills without injury as an adult . If your child has shown a musical inclination, then yes tiger moms will want to chauffeur them to the best teacher in town- give them the best opportunity. Since when is that a crime ?  If the parents who do nothing that is beyond their zone of comfort believe for a second that these parents don’t hold the happiness of their children above everything else, they are deluding themselves. But.. honestly I don’t care for your delusions. But don’t judge me.. don’t tell me I am over scheduling my children, don’t snort derisively when I am chauffeuring my child around when believe me, I would also like nothing better on a Saturday morning than to kick back with a nice novel and a hot cup of coffee on my balcony enjoying the sunshine.  I don’t care what your idea of raising children is , but today, when my child can listen to her favourite pop song and play it immediately on the piano and revel in her music, I know, I have done good by her. When her self esteem gets kicked up a few notches when she is called upon to perform on stage , I know I have done good by her. When my son wins a trophy for sports and comes home beaming a champion, I know I have done good by him. Everything in life takes effort.  And to each his own. If you believe in doing nothing, Do nothing. Just don't judge me.

Dissing the Shovel..

I just saw a video pointing out how our lives are all going down the toilet because of our addiction to the smart phone. I have seen a couple of videos like this , off late. At the outset let me admit. Yes. I am addicted to mine. A third arm if you will. In the last scene, the video grandly recommends that you leave the phone at home and enjoy life by stepping out into the world without it.

 

But I am quite puzzled by the strange romance attached to these videos that talk about simpler times when we didn't have these smart phones that connect us to a thousand people and a million experiences. If you are sitting bored at a bus stop, the video says, don't whip out your phone to connect to the social media.. instead stare at the person next to you.. you never know about the interesting possibilities out there... REALLY ?? Are they referring to the times that you got totally lost and spent a lot of time wandering around in frustration because you didn't have maps on your phone.. or are they referring to the wasted minutes staring at last year's useless magazines at the dentist's office while you waited for your turn.. or are they referring to all those times when your infant was up in the middle of the night and you are frustrated that you are all alone in the world.. when now you can chat with a friend across the time zone and you don't feel lonely any more...or are they talking about times when you are simply all alone and everybody in your immediate geography is busy with their lives or are simply people with whom you don't vibe with so much.... Which simpler times are they referring to ? Those golden times when everything was just perfect because we didn't have smarter phones...

I have connected to more friends , stayed in touch despite geographically insurmountable distances, pulled in a group of people for a cause, motivated a bunch of people to accomplish a goal together, connected with like minded people whom I never have the opportunity to meet face to face because of our varied schedules, activities and vocations... traded jokes and shared a laugh with a group when particularly in a depressed mood, connected with people who were no more than acquaintances when I actually saw them regularly in college, but have become buddies through this device where we can talk freely at any time....My life has expanded through this device.

Yes.. like everything else, the smart phone is a double edged sword. You can make it work for you or against you, but this is definitely not the Frankenstein monster it is made out to be. I feel more sociable, more connected, more able to do a lot of more in life with a lot more people because of this brilliant device which makes it all possible. It is a shovel... you can dig a hole and plant a sapling, or dig your grave. Your choice. But don't be silly and diss the shovel.

 

The beach house hunt

Vacations do this thing to us- It puts us in a surreal state of mind - It makes us fancy things which we would never do in a normal state of mind- A sense of euphoria - This time, some friends and us were were suddenly  caught up in the whim of buying a beach house. It is a romantic notion- to wake up up to the sound of waves in the morning, to go to bed listening to the rhythm of the ocean, endless sunsets and sunrises to enjoy, your own private beach to loll around…too many episodes of two and half men promoting the idea of a beach house on Malibu…why not in Singara Chennai – our very own beach house on the untamed stretch on ECR, all the way from Chennai to Pondicherry… take your pick depending on how much you have tucked away.

So we embark on this ‘land seeing’ venture- in the broiling  sun- when we could have paid Rs. 600 per person for a day on the beach complete with a welcome drink, lunch, snack, pool access, private beach – instead we chose to look at beach-front properties, back-water properties, towing our kids along listening to the endless “ when are we going to the beach?”  and answered with the same “ Just one more place to check out “- we looked at everything from plots on the ocean front in a fishermen’s village to swanky villa layouts on private beaches- it all promoted some fantasy image in our head of good times ahead while we squandered a whole day in the sun dragging our grumpy kids and a clueless agent along.  Multiple questions swam in our heads- will we really use this far away beach property? Can we afford to build a house? Will it be a good investment? What if there is a Tsunami and everything is wiped out – lakhs under water in one day…Who will maintain and manage? What about safety? What about zoning legislations which everybody is merrily violating?

We returned home from vacation with these thoughts still swimming in our heads… evaluating.. crunching numbers… deciding on probabilities and possibilities, laws and violations… I thought it might be a good idea to recall what I had read a long time ago about what Khalil Gibran said about houses- Here are a few excerpts that I enjoyed…
“And tell me, people of OrphaIese, what have you in these houses? And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span the summits of the mind?
Tell me, have you these in your houses?
Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthy thing that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host and then a master?It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at the dignity of the flesh.Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.
It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelid that guards the eye.
You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, nor bend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear to breathe lest walls should crack and fall down.

We might buy that Tsunami prone ocean view plot that violates half a dozen regulations because analysts said it is a good investment idea- while images of the post tsunami newly emerged shore temple and images of submerged houses keep popping in our heads questioning our sanity- but for now maybe we should just invest in TNagar, rent it out and use the money to rent a weekend at a beach resort –  with room service and house keeping included and probably a Tsunami warning system installed!!

No pressure

Many of us struggle with the 'Keeping up with the Jones' ' syndrome. This does not seem to be restricted to any country or culture and seems to be a fairly uniform phenomenon across the globe. The neighbour's BMW, his pool in the backyard, her double door fridge, big screen TV ... we are constantly on the drive to the next big thing- Ipod, Itouch, Iphone , Ipad, Ibroke... Being on the cutting edge is expensive and the satiation is temporary... we are constantly egged on by those around us, consciously or sub-consciously to constantly 'upgrade'.

Which is why it is refereshing when one is in the company of people who are grounded. Who are clear about what makes them happy in life... who don't care for badges, brands, status symbols. I can feel a change in the energy around me when I am with these people- Relaxed, calm, happy with the way things are... so I guess it is important to surround ourselves with the right kind of people....people who are not engaging in any kind of race towards anything...It requires a conscious decision to detach from the toxic. Even if we cannot do it all the time, it is great to hang out with these people- it feels like a breath of fresh air that cleanses the lungs-like the sweep of a broom that cleanses the cobwebs from your brain... we have got to surround ourselves with positive, grounded people.

Parenting

When we were growing up, our parents considered it their responsbility to feed us, clothe us and educate us. Period. My friend jokes that when her father(father of 3) was asked which grade his kids were in, he always used to give a range - 3rd or 4th grade- 7th or 8th grade.

Today Parenting seems a lot more onerous . Or have we made it that way ? Starting with the process of choosing a really unique name :) Regular Meenakshis and Kamakshis won't do -My mom complains that she is unable to remember anybody's child's name these days and my father in law kept calling my son "Krishnamoorthy" for a few days because he could not remember what we had named him. Then we move on to finding the best system to educate one's child in preschool - Montessori or Goddard and then we progress to decide amongst CBSE/ICSE/IB/IGCSE . Our parents were good with - 'Hey, this school is the closest to our home - here you go'. Then there is the slew of extra curricular activities- Karate or Taekwondo, Bharatnatyam or Ballet, Piano or violin, Drawing or Pottery, Tennis or Cricket, Abacus or Kumon. Hmm... my son seems to be showing some talent for cricket... IPL possibilities ? My daughter is good at piano.. maybe I should put her in AR Rahman's academy ?

Ofcourse every parent is proud of his or her methodology- "I am very proud that I don't try to schedule my kids at all - they do what they like to do" says one . " I believe in giving my kids exposure to multiple things so that they can figure out what they are interested in"says another. There is a wide range.

So what is it that makes 'most of ' today's parents so intensely passionate about their children? About researching every cough/sniffle on Webmd -about researching every school , sport, hobby... what is it that makes us way more involved/insane? Is it because today most of us have one or two kids - People who have 3 have become an abberation in India's metros :) So we have a lot more bandwidth ? Gadgets, cooks , maids , more dispensable income, have made our lives infinitely easier, so the project on hand , our kids, are getting a lot of attention?.Somebody once said that kids have become the honour badges that parents today seek to wear :)

Are we working extra hard to make sure that our unrealized childhood dreams have a second chance? Or are we giving our children, the gift of a fantastic childhood replete with endless possibilities and countless dreams?